The modern dating world - What do I want in a partner?
What do I actually want from a partner?
A question I have been grappling with for a long time. I might not know what I want them to look like or the work they do. I know small things or at least things I want to do with them.
My ideal partner
- Kind
- Sweet
- Funny
- Nerdy
- Likes animals
- Gets along with my friends
- Has goals of some kind
- Ambitious
- Likes me
I have a secret. One I dare not tell another soul.
I want to do couples things. Sue me. Or smack me. Either or…
I struggle admitting that. I tell my friends I just don’t want a relationship or that romance freaks me out. Which it fully does. I haven’t experienced romance before. I wouldn’t know what to do if I was shown romance. Even in the movies I watch it kinda freaks me out. I think that’s why I like period dramas, everyone is more refrained and they can only really hold hands. I want to let someone in, no really I do. It is just hard.
There is one thing in particular I want to do with a partner. It is going to sound silly. I want to go and see the nutcracker with them at Christmas. It’s my favourite ballet. To the point, that when I was younger I wnated to walk down the asile to waltz of the flowers. I want to put on a nice outfit, do my hair etc. I want to go out for an evening meal and then see the ballet. It’s probably the poshest idea I’ve ever had and very unusual for me. I imagine holding their hand during the production. I would leave our seats and get ice creams during the interval (If they still do that) I would save the little wooden spoons as well as the playbill. I would take them home and put them in my safe keeping box. I want to walk back to the hotel or train with them hand in hand and feel this sense of calm and security.
I want to walk around Christmas markets looking at all the silly trinkets with hot chocolate. I want to take cute couple photos and post them. I want them to know that I want to see the mousetrap for the first time for my birthday. I want to travel around the United Kingdom and Ireland with them. Going for long walks and picnics in the wilderness. Be huddled up together in the winter watching a movie. Knowing to put on period dramas for me when I am sad. Going to gigs and concerts – keeping all the ticket stubs in my aforementioned box. I want them to get along with my friends and hang out with us. I want to cook for them in the kitchen whilst they sit and talk to me. I want them to come to my friend’s Christmas. I want them to come home with me and show them where I grew up. I want to go on a holiday with them. I want to fall asleep in their arms.
I want them to see me when my hair is messy and natural, when I am in my rugby jersey, no makeup just making breakfast or doing something mundane like my skin routine. I want to be brushing my hair whilst they brush their teeth. I want someone to see me for me and still want me.
Is that so wrong?